Rant of the Moment - "Witness THIS..."

Never send a kid to do a man's job. Ever heard that expression? Never was that more apparent than on the morning of February 19th. Now usually on a Saturday, I'm not quite with it at around 10 AM. This Saturday was no exception. I was watching TV with my fiancee after eating breakfast, and just as a commercial comes on, we hear a knock on our door. This usually means one of two things. Either it's one of our friends, or it's a stranger. The hour pretty much eliminated the friend angle, so I checked the peephole. Normally I just open the door, but if it was someone that my fiancee knew, I'd let her grab it. I checked the peephole. Two kids in suits. GREAT!

My first thought, as I grabbed the doorknob, was that they must be either Mormons or Jehovah's Witnesses. Now if they were Mormons, I knew it wouldn't be nearly as much fun. I've had them come around before. They are usually just nice clean-cut guys who are passionate about church. They're still a bit too normal to really screw with. I've had pleasant conversations with them in my doorway before. I always tell them I like their ads, which I do, even if they are very naive. Always open to a different viewpoint. The Witnesses, well they are a different story. I open the door. One kid was clutching a couple copies of the Watchtower. I suppressed a grin. JACKPOT!

The last time I had witnesses at my door was about three years ago. Hopefully they're dying out as a religion, errr, I mean sect, errr cult. Perhaps that's too much to hope for. How screwed up does a cult have to be for Michael Jackson, a confused freak of nature, to consider himself a member? I proceeded to tell these fifteen year-olds just how screwed up their little group is. I said, "Well, my mother used to be a witness, and when she left the religion, all of her friends that were still in it were told that they could no longer talk to her. So excuse me if I think that your "religion" is full of ASSHOLES!" Needless to say, they weren't quite expecting this. I half expected them to run away. They definitely took a step back from the doorway that I'll bet they don't even remember taking now. The kid that was a lot smaller, (the same age though I was told), did all of the talking. The other one seemed to be kind of a mouth-breathing dullard anyway. The short kid said "whoa", and fairly good-naturedly said, "We're just here to give you information, yaddayadda..." I told them that as far as I was concerned, they were a cult. I asked them what they thought about this, and whether they thought this was normal, for a religion to tell its members to not talk to a former member. At first the kid said, "Well, we don't want them telling other people to not join..." (Oh...REALLY???) Then he realized what he was saying, and changed course. He said, "Well, was she fornicating, stealing, or...?" I informed him that this was not the case, and that she had simply left on her own accord. He said something about he wasn't sure if that was the case any more, or something like that.

He was way out of his league. I felt kind of sorry for those kids. They were sent out into battle before they were really ready, by adults that never fully described the sick, rotten, underbelly of their cult. We went on like this for a few more minutes, and finally he offered me a Watchtower, which I politely declined. I told them to ask their parents about what I told them, and the short kid said that he would. Have a nice day. It was over. At least these kids had the decency to not compare my mother to a "bad apple that could spoil the bunch", like the adults I talked to three years ago. I hope one day, they will come to see the real light. When they do, they're not going to find it in the Watchtower.


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